DATE : Sat
1st December 2001 from Chicago, Illinois
(FLASHBACK: THE
DRAMATIC RETURN OF YANKEE AT LAST WEEK'S SLAM, AND LAYING OUT BOTH PEACEMAKER
AND NALDO WITH 'DAMNED SLAMS')
*'S.N.S' - THE
MAIN EVENT PLAYS*
(PYROS EXPLODE
AS THE CROWD GOES WILD! SIGNS IN THE AUDIENCE INCLUDE 'FIDO = RATINGS', 'DO
ME, SHRIEK', 'BRING BACK RAZER', AND 'X IS THE REAL NATURE BOY'. THE SHOT GOES
TO SCOOP AND SNOOP)
SCOOP: Hello,
and welcome, from The Felching Center, Chicago, and what an exciting main
event we've got tonight!
SNOOP: Oh
yeah, we've got the Madman, Peacemaker, teaming with the CEO himself and the
warrior Naldo, against Pimp In, the Damned Yankee, and Huggsy Bear!
SCOOP: But
can the Management and Naldo coexist with Peacemaker?
SNOOP: Of
course they can! You should be worrying about Yankee an Pimp In. Those idiots
hate each other! Yankee has even got some kind of deal with Huggsy Bear, and
you know Pimp In can't be happy about that!
SCOOP: Also
tonight, we've got more Big Brother shenanigans, Tracey taking on Missy, but
kicking off, we've got the final of the tag team title tournament, with the
God Squad taking on the Main Attractions for the gold! Let's go backstage with
Sniff...
(ACTION CUTS
BACKSTAGE, WHERE SNIFF IS WAITING WITH CHRIS CHAOS AND SNAP SANDERSON)
SNIFF: Chris,
Snap, we're just moments away from your chance to grab tag team gold.
Thoughts?
CHAOS: Well,
Sniff, when you're All Round Technically Sound, like myself, and you've got
the master of the Snapper by your side, those two mincing fools don't stand a
chance!
SNAP: And
what's more, once we've beaten the Main Attractions, maybe we'll try to show
them the error of their decadent ways, and see if they'll let God into their
lives!
CHAOS: Now let's go win some gold!
Chris Chaos/Snap Sanderson vs Crème de la Crème/Mr. Showtime (final Tag Titles)
*'HOLD ME,
THRILL ME, KISS ME, KILL ME' - U2 HITS THE SPEAKERS*
(CHRIS CHAOS
AND SNAP SANDERSON EMERGE TO RAPTUROUS APPLAUSE. SIGNS IN THE CROWD INCLUDE
'SNAP - I'VE SEEN THE LIGHT' AND 'GOD SQUAD 4 GOLD'. THEY MAKE THEIR WAY TO
THE RING)
*'MOVIES' -
ALIEN ANT FARM BLASTS OUT*
(CREME DE LA
CREME AND MR SHOWTIME WALK OUT, NO SIGN OF J3 OR FIDO. THE CROWD CHANT 'CREME
LOVES SHOW'. CREME SMILES, WHILE SHOWTIME PUTS HIS FINGERS IN HIS EARS)
Show and Snap
start the match off. Snap tries to grab Show, but Show keeps on dodging. The
crowd boo Show. Snap turns to the crowd to get them behind him, and when he
turns back, Show lays into him with forearms. He goes to throw Snap against
the ropes, Snap reverses it. When Show comes back off the ropes he slides
between Snaps legs, and when Snap turns around, Show pokes him in the eye. He
leads Snap over to the corner and tags in Creme, who twists Snap's arm round
and round. Snap gets out of it by punching Creme in the face. Creme doubles
over, Snap goes for the headscissors to set up the Snapper, but Creme scoots
out of it. Snap tags in Chaos, Creme charges at him, but is taken down with a
drop toe hold. he then walks into a Chaos hip toss. Creme goes for a leg
sweep, but Chaos jumps over it, so Creme punches him in the stomach. Creme
goes to powerbomb Chaos, but Chaos grabs Creme's leg and flips him on his
back, goes to grab Creme's leg again, Creme kicks Chaos in the face, Chaos
goes down, then performs a kip-up to return to a vertical base, and the two
stand and grab their breath as the crowd gamely applaud.
SCOOP: What
a great display of chain wrestling, and the crowd appreciated that!
SNOOP: Yeah,
yeah, very admirable, but when are we gonna see some blood?
They both tag
in their respective partners. Show walks straight into a Snap right hand. He
then nails Show with a swinging neckbreaker, then come off the ropes and hits
Show with an elbow drop. Snap begins to work on Show's arm while he's on the
ground. He pulls Show up, still holding on to his arm. Show tussles his way to
the corner, where Creme gets a sneaky punch in on Snap. Chaos tries to get in
the ring, but is held back by the ref, while Show and Creme both work over
Snap. Eventually, the ref turns back to the action, and Creme feigns
innocence, getting out of the ring. Show stands Snap up and hits him with a
beautiful dropkick. He then legdrops Snap and goes for the cover..1...2...Snap
kicks out! Show climbs to the turnbuckle, comes off for a double axe-handle,
but Snap catches him with a clothesline. Both men are down, Snap crawls to his
corner, he's just inches away from tagging...but Show drags him back and tags
in Creme. Creme elbow drops Snap in the back a couple of times, then starts
working on Snap's leg with knees, kicks, and a spinning toe hold.
SNOOP: Creme's
softening him up for the Creamy middle. I love it!
SCOOP: Don't
be so sure, Snap's got a lot of intestinal fortitude!
SNOOP: Intestinal
fortitude, shmintestinal shmortitude!
SCOOP: You
really are a dork, aren't you?...What's this? The Insane Asylum are making
their way ringside! Have they spent all the Hour Of Power's money?
SNOOP: Yay!
The Asylum have returned! The Rezerection just got stronger!
The Asylum
start to make their way down the ramp, looking mean. Chaos jumps off the ring
apron and walks round the ring to confront them. Showtime goes after him, goes
to pull him back, but Chaos kicks him in the gut and hits the Complete Chaos!
Show is out cold at ringside! Chaos launches himself at the Asylum and starts
laying punches into Creeper. The referee has his attention drawn to this
fracas, and is trying to restore order. In the ring, Creme is still working on
Snap's leg, suddenly, Snap punches Creme in the head, grabs him in a
headscissors, and locks in the Snapper! Creme is flailing away, and starts to
beat the mat furiously! However, the ref is still distracted by Chaos and
Creeper! Showtime has crawled back to his corner. Around the other side of the
ring, Apocalypse climbs into the ring with a chair, he nails Snap across the
head, then picks him up and nails the Fall Of Man on him! Creme limps to his
corner and tags in Show. Chaos tries to get into the ring to help Snap, but
Creme launches himself at Chaos. Showtime climbs the turnbuckle and hits a
five star frog splash, straight onto Snap! He makes the cover as the referee
turns round...1...2...3!
Winners by pinfall, and NEW T.F.W.F Tag Team Champions: The Main Attractions
In the ring,
Creme and Show celebrate with the belts, to huge crowd heat. The Asylum get in
the ring and celebrate with them. Then.....Apocalypse grabs Creme and hits him
with the Fall Of Man! Show looks at him as if to say 'what the Hell?', then
Creeper nails him from behind, and the Asylum take out Showtime with the
Highway 2 Hell! Both Apoc and Creeper rip off their shirts, to reveal Carpe
Diem t-shirts, to a massive crowd pop!
SNOOP: Noooo!!
This can't be happening!
SCOOP: And
now they're motioning for someone or something backstage. Is this what they
spent the church money on?
The subject of
the Asylum's beckoning soon becomes apparent, as a load of good time girls in
Las Vegas showgirl costumes come down to the ring. They get in the ring with
the Asylum. Creeper and Apoc have mics.
CREEPER: Now,
THIS is how you spend money!
APOCALYPSE: Carpe
diem, baby, carpe diem!
Next, Michael
Pounds and the Protege run down to the ring and start brawling with the
Asylum. Then, Flint Fireforge and Chris Pufting run down and join in,
indiscriminately attacking anyone in their path. As Snap Sanderson and Chris
Chaos recover and join the melee in the ring, Creme and Showtime grab their
belts and sneak off up the ramp to avoid any more pain.
SCOOP: So,
Snoop, it looks like the Rezerection recruitment drive isn't going as well as
planned!
SNOOP: Hah!
It'll still be a good night for Rezerection, when the Management and Naldo,
along with Peacemaker, take out the disparate team of Pimp In, Yankee and
Huggsy!
(CUT TO
COMMERCIALS FOR CHAD'S SPECIAL RECIPE MAGPIE BAKE, THEN ULTIMATE SCALLY
SCRATCH 'N' SNIFF T-SHIRTS, THEN HARDCORE BIG BROTHER - THE BOARD GAME)
Tracy vs Missy
*AGNOSTIC
FRONT- GOTTA GO HITS THE SPEAKERS*
(TRACY MAKES
HER WAY TO THE RING. MISSY RUNS DOWN THE RAMP AND TAKES TRACY DOWN.)
Scoop: These
two wasting no time here.
Snoop: Here
we go!
Missy takes
Tracy down and starts slapping The Damned Lady. The Damned Lady counters with
a Judo Flip Throw. Tracy starts stomping away at Missy before picking her up
and rolling her into the ring. Tracy slides in and is met by a few stomps from
Missy. Tracy holds her back as Missy nails a legdrop and an elbowdrop in quick
succession. Missy pulls Tracy up only to fall victim to a boot to the
midsection and a DDT. Tracy applies a leglock to Missy, but Missy grabs the
ropes.
Scoop: Tracy
is dangerous in that ring!
Snoop: Will
you shut up? I want to watch this match!
Tracy pulls
Missy back to the center of the ring and goes for the leglock again, but Missy
boots her in the face. Tracy staggers as Missy regains her vertical base.
Missy goes for a DDT, but Tracy counters into a Northern Lights Suplex Pin ...
1... 2... Missy gets a shoulder up. Tracy gives Missy a quick stomp before
pulling her up and taking her back down with a hairgrab takedown. Tracy deals
Missy a stiff kick to the back. Missy clutches her back in agony as Tracy
pulls her up and nails her with the Rocking Horror. Tracy hooks the leg...
1... 2... 3!
YOUR WINNER VIA PINFALL: TRACY
TITLE- Hardcore- Big Brother
Ultimate Scally (c) vs Old School vs The Method vs Da Gremlin vs Car Thief vs Razer vs Hardcore Legend vs Samson vs Horror vs X
Damned Yankee/Huggsy Bear/Pimp In vs The Management/Peacemaker/Naldo
(THE ACTION
SWITCHES BACKSTAGE, WHERE PIMP IN AND SHRIEK WAIT IN PIMP IN'S CHANGING ROOM.
PIMP IN IS LIMBERING UP FOR HIS MATCH. THERE'S A KNOCK ON THE DOOR, AND HUGGSY
BEAR, THE DAMNED YANKEE AND TRACEY ENTER THE ROOM. PIMP IN JUMPS TO HIS FEET
AND SQUARES UP TO YANKEE. HUGGSY PUSHES HIMSELF BETWEEN THEM.)
HUGGSY: Hey,
come on, fellas, we're all friends here.
PIMP IN: He's
no friend of mine. And I'm disappointed in you, Huggsy, I thought we had a
friendship .
HUGGSY: Course
we do, course we do, and there's nothing I'd like better than to see you two
get along, 'specially against the Management and his goons tonight.
YANKEE: Suits
me.
(PIMP IN PUSHES
PAST YANKEE , WHO SMIRKS AT HIM AS HE LEAVES)
*'PIMP IN 2 THE
MAX' HITS THE SPEAKERS*
(THE CROWD GO
MENTAL AS PIMP IN WALKS OUT, WITH SHRIEK AT HIS SIDE, AND THE HEAVYWEIGHT
TITLE BELT AROUND HIS WAIST. SHRIEK RUBS HER HANDS UP AND DOWN HIM, THEN THEY
WALK DOWN TO THE RING)
(THE CROWD GO
EQUALLY AS MAD, AS THE DAMNED YANKEE AND TRACY EMERGE. THEY WALK DOWN THE
RAMP, WHERE THEY ARE EYED SUSPICIOUSLY BY PIMP IN AND SHRIEK. THE FEELING IS
MUTUAL)
*'GREAT BALLS
OF FIRE' - JERRY LEE LEWIS PLAYS*
(HUGGSY BEAR
WALKS OUT TO A NICE OVATION. HE MAKES HIS WAY TO THE RING, WHERE HE COAXES
YANKEE TO JOIN PIMP IN)
SCOOP: You
could cut the atmosphere between Yankee and Pimp In with a knife!
SNOOP: Oh
yeah, it's all going to end in tears, mark my words...
SCOOP: But,
equally, is there any unity between The Management, Naldo and Peacemaker?
SNOOP: Of
course there is! They've all got a common goal here, to rid the TFWF of the
World Champion - the Big Pimp Fool, and that interfering imbecile the Yankee!
*'WE ARE THE
CHAMPIONS' - QUEEN PLAYS*
(THE MANAGEMENT
COMES OUT AND STANDS AT THE TOP OF THE RAMP. HE STAYS THERE UNTIL...)
*'LAST RESORT'
- PAPA ROACH BLASTS OUT OF THE SPEAKERS*
(NALDO EMERGES,
WEARING HIS LONG BLACK TRENCH COAT, TO HUGE HEAT, AND WITH THE MANAGEMENT,
MAKES HIS WAY DOWN THE RAMP. THEY STOP NEAR THE BOTTOM AND TALK TRASH TO THE
FACES IN THE RING)
*'HE COME D
PAIN' HITS THE SPEAKERS*
(THE BLUE
LIGHTNING FLASHES, AS PEACEMAKER APPEARS AT THE TOP OF THE RAMP. HE WALKS DOWN
TOWARDS NALDO AND THE MANAGEMENT, WHEN THE FACES LEAVE THE RING, AND A BRAWL
ENSUES IN THE AISLE)
Pimp In goes
straight for Peacemaker, Yankee attacks Naldo, and Huggsy flies at the
Management. Eventually, Pimp In and Peacemaker find their way into the ring,
and the bell sounds to start the match. Maker lands a few hard shots to Pimp
In, he whips him to the ropes, goes for a clothesline, but Pimp In ducks,
turns round, and hits Maker with some left jabs. Maker is reeling, Pimp In
swings round and lands a huge discus punch, knocking Maker off his feet! The
crowd are going wild! Pimp In waits for Maker to get up, then goes for him,
however, Maker knees him in the stomach. As Pimp In is doubled over, Maker
gets a knee lift to the face, sending Pimp In to the mat. Naldo has his arm
outstretched for the tag, Maker walks over and brings his clenched fist down
on Naldo's open palm for the tag. Naldo glares at him as he enters the ring.
SCOOP: Was
that a tag or a punch?
SNOOP: A
tag, obviously. Hey, in the heat of battle, you can't blame the Peacemaker for
getting a little intense!
Naldo picks up
Pimp In and lays him out again with a huge bodyslam. He then kicks him,
bounces off the ropes and goes for a fist drop, but Pimp In rolls out the way,
and Naldo is left hitting nothing but mat. Pimp In grabs Naldo and hits a DDT.
While Naldo staggers to his feet, Pimp In goes for a tag, slapping Yankee's
hand with excessive force. They stare menacingly at each other as Pimp In
climbs out the ring and Yankee gets in.
SCOOP: The
tags on the other side don't seem too friendly, either!
SNOOP: Now,
THAT tag had malice behind it!
The Yankee
grabs Naldo's leg and land an elbow drop to his thigh. He goes for another
one, but Naldo kicks him in the face. Naldo grabs Yankee for a vertical suplex,
but Yankee blocks it and hits one of his own. He goes for a
cover..1...2..Naldo kicks out. Yankee picks Naldo up, throws him to the ropes,
and hits a big clothesline on his way back. The crowd are loving it. He goes
to pick Naldo up again, but Naldo low blows him. Both men are winded, and
stagger to their corners, where they tag in Huggsy and the Management. The
Management goes to punch Huggsy, but he ducks, goes behind, and hits an atomic
drop! The Management winces and holds his undercarriage in pain, much to the
crowd's amusement. Huggsy begins to kick him up the backside, causing the
Management to hop around the ring. Huggsy backs him into the corner, gets up
onto the turnbuckle, and lays punches into his head. The crowd join in the
punch count..1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8...9...10! Huggsy jumps down, the
Management wobbles, Huggsy stamps on his foot, then flattens him with a slap
to the chest! As the Management tries to get to his feet, Huggsy runs the
ropes, but Naldo nails him in the back with a forearm. The Management then
hits him with a big clothesline. He begins to attack the fallen Huggsy with
stomps and a camel clutch.
SNOOP: Haha!
All praise the most powerful man in the TFWF. The Management is dominating
Huggsy!
SCOOP: Yeah,
with a little help from Naldo!
SNOOP: I
didn't see THAT!
SCOOP: Of
course you didn't...
The Management
climbs the turnbuckle, intending to land a big elbow on Huggsy, who manages to
raise his leg, meaning the Management tastes boot. Huggsy crawls over and tags
the Yankee back in. The Management, dazed, suddenly realises he's in the ring
with Yankee, and backpeddles to his corner at speed. He first tries to tag
Peacemaker, but he's having none of it, so he tags Naldo. Naldo charges
Yankee, but is taken down with a drop toe hold. He gets back to his feet,
where he's met with some thunderous punches from Yankee. Yankee throws Naldo
to the ropes, but telegraphs a back body drop attempt, allowing Naldo to club
him across the back, then hoists him up and hits a sit-down powerbomb, the
referee counts..1..2..Yankee gets his shoulder up! In the corner, the
Peacemaker is begging for the tag, so Naldo nails Yankee once more, then slaps
Maker's palm - hard! Maker pushes Naldo, Naldo pushes Maker, then....Yankee
splashes both of them in the corner. Naldo flops out of the ring, while Maker
stumbles into Yankee's path, who nails him with a belly-to-belly suplex. The
crowd are getting loud again, Yankee is fired up...when Pimp In slaps him
across the back to make the tag! Yankee is furious, and they get in each
other's faces! Yankee finally leaves the ring, Pimp In turns around...and
walks into a big boot from Maker! Maker picks Pimp In up and hits a
backbreaker, holding Pimp In there, and pushing down on his legs and chin. He
finally releases Pimp In, throwing him to the floor. He then gets Pimp In in
an armbar, the ref asks Pimp In if he wants to give up, but Pimp In inches his
way to the ropes....and finally reaches them. Maker releases the hold and
stomps on Pimp In. He picks him up, goes to throw him against the ropes, but
Pimp In reverses it, sends Maker to the ropes, he comes back, and they
clothesline each other! The ref begins to count
them..1...2...3...4...5..6...7..They both begin to crawl back to their
corners. Maker reaches for Naldo, but Naldo retracts his arm, so the
Management gets tagged in. He tries to reach Pimp In, but Pimp In reaches
Huggsy! Huggsy comes in and starts throwing punches at the Management,
followed by an impressive dropkick! He climbs the turnbuckles to try a high
risk manouvre, but Naldo shakes the ropes, and Huggsy gets crotched! The
Management pulls him in to the centre, and stomps on him some. He tags in
Naldo, who nonchalantly steps on Huggsy's throat. Yankee tries to get in the
ring, but the ref goes to stop him, while Naldo backs Huggsy into the heels
corner, where the Management and Maker help beat him up.
SCOOP: Can't
the referee see what's going on?
SNOOP: Who
cares? It's only Huggsy!
Naldo tags the
Management back in, who whips Huggsy into a neutral corner and lays punches
into his stomach. He then grabs Huggsy, and biels him into the centre. The
Management tags in Maker, who grabs Huggsy in a headlock and bulldogs him to
the floor. He taunts Pimp In and Yankee, then goes back to Huggsy, stretching
him in a bow and arrow hold. He then picks Huggsy up, throws him against the
ropes, and shoulder charges him hard. Huggsy goes straight down, Maker covers
him...1...2...He pulls Huggsy's head up off the mat! With an evil grin, Maker
positions Huggsy for a powerbomb, he raises him up....somehow, Huggsy reverses
it into a Frankensteiner! Maker goes over, and hits the mat head first! Both
men crawl to their corners. Huggsy tags in Yankee, Maker tags the Management,
who isn't paying any attention! When he realises what's happened, he refuses
to enter the ring, so Maker grabs him by the shoulders and throws him in!
SCOOP: The
Management has been thrown to the wolves!
SNOOP: That's
not fair! He didnt want to go in! Somebody help!
With a look of
delight on his face, the Yankee starts laying in to the Management, with lefts
and rights, he whips him into the corner, and nails him with a big splash. The
Management is out on his feet. Yankee hoists him up onto his shoulders, and
hits the Damned Slam! He covers..1..2...the count is broken up by Naldo. Pimp
In rushes into the ring to attack Naldo, Peacemaker enters to stop him, Huggsy
gets in, it's a six man brawl! The referee is calling for the bell, but no-one
seems to care! The ref gets sandwiched between Pimp In and Peacemaker, and
goes down.
Official
decision: No contest
At ringside,
Shriek Bitch Kicks Tracey! She then picks up a steel chair, and throws it to
Pimp In. Pimp In raises the chair above his head, choosing a target. He looks
as if he's going to bring it down on Yankee's head! He raises it further back,
ready to swing....when Huggsy comes up behind him and grabs the chair off him.
Huggsy begins to scold Pimp In, asking him what the Hell he's doing. Shriek
climbs into the ring, Huggsy tosses the chair into the air, and Shriek Bitch
Kicks it into Pimp In's face! Pimp In goes down!
SCOOP: OH MY
GOD!!! What have we just seen?
SNOOP: It
looks like a chair assisted Bitch Kick to Pimp In's head, if you ask me!
Whooooo!
Yankee turns
around just in time to see the Bitch Kick. He grabs Shriek by the shoulders to
find out what's going on, only to have Huggsy smack him from behind with the
chair! Yankee staggers around with a surprised look on his face, and walks
straight into a Power Of Naldo! Peacemaker then picks him up and hits a
Silencer. With Yankee out cold, the Management pulls him up, and nails a Firm
Finish onto the steel chair!
SCOOP: Nooo!
It was a set-up! Huggsy Bear has turned his back on the Damned Yankee!
SNOOP: And
Shriek's laid out Pimp In! There is a God!
With the heels
standing over the bodies of the beaten Pimp In and Yankee, Huggsy slides out
of the ring, goes under the apron, and pulls out a large sack of cash. He
drags it into the ring with him, along with a mic. The crowd are booing and
throwing rubbish at the ring. Maker and Shriek stand at one end of the ring,
Naldo and Management at the other, and Huggsy in the middle.
HUGGSY: You
know, all the time I've been here, all the time I was CEO of this company, all
Pimp In and The Damned Yankee ever treated me as was a joke. Oh, here comes
Huggsy Bear, he's good for a laugh. CEO? Nah, he's just our amusing little
friend. Well, who's laughing now, big shots? Huh? When the time came to make a
decision, between this sack of money, and your friendship....it just didn't
take a lot of thinking over!
The Management
also has a mic.
MANAGEMENT: That's
right. I paid Huggsy off. I paid him to coax the Damned Yankee back here, so I
could extract my revenge on him. I came to a business agreement with
Peacemaker, to persuade Shriek to seduce Pimp In in order to bring about his
downfall. I was the mastermind behind this scheme. For the total sum of
$500,000, Huggsy was only to happy to betray his former friends...
HUGGSY: Actually,
if I could stop you there, it's $750,000.
MANAGEMENT: I
didn't pay you £750,000!
HUGGSY: No,
you didn't... Peacemaker did!
With that,
Huggsy swings the steel chair into the Management's face, knocking him down.
At the same time, Peacemaker surprises Naldo with a Silencer! They stand over
the bodies of the Management and Naldo.
HUGGSY: You
see, Management, I've never liked you. So when Peacemaker offered to up my
price to go along with the original plan, AND take you out, well.......I
DIDN'T HAVE TO THINK TWICE!
SCOOP: What
the Hell has happened here tonight? Huggsy Bear has formed a pact with the
Peacemaker! Shriek's relationship with Pimp In was a sham! Peacemaker has
completely severed his links with the Management! How will Yankee respond to
Pimp In trying to take him out with a steel chair? How will Pimp In deal with
the betrayal of Shriek AND Huggsy? Which of these factions will be the
dominant force in the T.F.W.F?
The picture
fades with Peacemaker, Shriek and Huggsy Bear standing over the bodies in the
ring, drink cans and empty popcorn cartons raining down from the audience...